Size 10!!!!

I honestly never thought I would wear a size 10 again. I have gone from a 14 to a 10 in less than 6 weeks. I suppose that the exercising is making the difference. I have lost some weight in the last couple of months (thanks Allan), but not enough to have changed sizes that much.

Now, I think it may be time to actually make an appointment at a plastic surgeon to see what can be done about all the extra skin. Any have any suggestions?

I am a terrible blogger...

I read the posts of those that I follow almost every day. There are certainly those that I follow up on more, but I tend to get to the end of my reading. I don't comment much, mostly because I don't feel that I add much to the say the same things that others are saying.

That being said, I do not add to my own blog either. It's not right, it's just what it is. I am following along in Allan's challenge. It is so hard for me to believe that I will actually hit my target weight. It has been so many years of working towards a weight goal that I already find myself wondering what will occupy my thoughts if weight becomes less an issue? I am sure that I will find something else to obssess on, right?

I have become used to the idea that I will be able to go on vacation and not gain weight as it has been about 19 months since my lap band surgery. This was the case with Disney World last week. We left the day after school got out and just got back this past Saturday. I only lost about 1 pound over the trip, but I did lose inches. It's crazy to me to say that I lost in that one week, normally I don't think I would notice, but since I had just bought shorts for the trip and they were too big when I got home, it was pretty easy to mark the progress.

This week has been exhausting as the boys left for scout camp this morning. Then, granny called and wanted the youngest to stay with her for a week or so when we go up to visit this weekend. Now, does anyone want a 15 year old? I think if I can get rid of her, I might just take a "me" vacation!

Anyway, as for my weight loss...I am about 105 pounds down total. I didn't take my measurements when I started but I know that I was in a size 22 and now I am down easily to a 12. It won't be too long before I could possibly fit into a 10...but the extra skin may stop that from happening all together.

I hope that everyone has a successfull weekend, whatever that means to you.

TGIF!!!

I stared this blog for no reason really. One can tell my passion for it by the frequent posts...not! But what I am slowing coming to realize is that it is one more tool in the tool belt to get through life. There was a point in my life (about 1.5 years ago) that I thought if I could get the weight off, things would be great! Well, now all but about 40 pounds or so are gone and things are not always great. Truthfully, some days they are far from great. But one thing I have learned through these last few years is that regardless of how bad things seem, there is really always something great that happens in a day, if only I am concious enough to notice it.

My daughter battles with bi-polar. She has mostly highs, but the lows are so sad to watch. The cycles are fast and furious most days. I wonder if we will ever land in the middle. She is so incredibly smart and witty. I find that just as frustrated as I get with her moods, I am twice that frustrated at myself when I can't just love her enough to make it go away. I know that isn't possible, but what I wouldn't give. It's not even that I want to change her. I actually have come to admire the person she is right this minute. I just want other people to realize that we are not all the same and to have soem friggin empathy towards others.

I also struggle with depression. I know it isn't a popular thing to say, but I just refuse medication until there is no other option. I really try to force my way out of it. It is never easy. The hardest part is to realize that I am headed down that road. I know there is absolutely no reason not to take medication. I choose not to because of some stupid hangups I have with my mother. She struggles as well and just relies on medication to fix all that ails her. Me, once I really ponder things, I am usually able to get passed it. So, I might even have to say that I have depressive tendencies, but is it really clinical depression if you can deal with it? I don't know.

What I do know is that I am determined that the clutter that strikes my home has invaded my mind...or vise versa. Either way, both my mind and my house have to get cleaned out. I was going to follow the Peter Walsh example and drag everything out to the front yard, but it is supposed to rain again this weekend. Oh well, at least it isn't snow.

Was this supposed to be a weight loss blog? Well, I guess I highjacked my own blog...

Trying to find my way out...

I am a firm believer in pulling yourself up and getting on with life. I have a family history depression. I have been diagnosed with depression several times in my life. I can feel myself sinking again. Denial is really not a friend and yet, for some reason, denial stays so close.

I have been in Allan's challenges and will try to hang on through this current one. I am staying with my food intake. The calories are not hard for me. Making those 1200 calories count with good food, a little bit tougher. I read the weight loss blogs almost every day. I rarely comment because I don't usually have anything new to add to them that other readers haven't already said.

I also find that I am not having much trouble with the fluid intake...as long as I keep most of it to decaffeinated tea sweetened with splenda. I have realized that even frozen yogurt doesn't count as fluid. (I know, most people already knew that, I was just looking for excuses.)

The moving that is on the current plan also isn't much for me. However, I have been beating myself up because I haven't been to the gym since September. How do I really think this last 40 or so pounds is going to come off if I don't get back to the gym? If just hoping caused weight loss, we would all be rail thin, right?

So last night I packed my gym bag and put it by the front door. I set the alarm and made a list of the few things I had to do before I left. I got up this morning (without hitting the snooze button) and got to my list. I made the kids lunches, got dinner ready for hubby to put in the crock pot when he got up, and made it out the door by 515am.

Today is a new day. I think I have to stop looking ahead and just look at the now. I am hoping that the exercise will renew my spirit in spite of myself.

Reality Check

I turned in my weight for the challenge on Sunday morning. I was a little anxious, I must admit. I haven't been doing as good as I could with the water intake but my calories were good. I have no idea why, but I was up at least a pound all week long. Then on Sunday morning, I was down in weight. Not the weight I was hoping for but down, nonetheless. (I think it was the broccoli rice casserole. I didn't over do it, but it was the one thing that I did eat that I should have not even allowed hubby to make. Next year I will know better.)

Yes, I weigh myself everyday but don't always take it too seriously. I find that it keeps me on track. When I say I don't take it seriously, what I mean is that as the scale fluctuates, I don't let it affect my day. Although I do find that when I weigh everyday, my mind stays better focused on the goal.

I have also found another thing that keeps me focused...it's Allan. (I am trying to link to his blog, but not sure how so we will see if it works.)I find that his blog posts are the reality that many of us needs to cut the crap and get rid of the unhealthy habits we have all used to fill in the holes in our lives.

How do you stay on focus?

I can't believe it has been a year already!

What can I say? It has been a crazy year. I am so glad that I decided to take a chance on me and get the band. I firmly believe that there is absolutely no way that I ever would have made it 70 pounds down without the band.

There is a part of me that is a little disappointed in myself because I know that with only a few minor changes, I would have been at goal weight today and not still another 25 pounds or so away. But if I was going to be totally honest with myself, I wasn't sure this would really work. I have to say that my band has worked for me inspite of me, not because of me.

I have learned to live with my new eating lifestyle (maybe, each day is different). I still enjoy a cookie or some candy and please don't take away my ice cream. But I have made it a full year and know that because I have lost 70 pounds living my life and not being a nazi about food consumption, that I can live the rest of my life with my band.

I would call that a success! What do you think?

Anther fill....

Well, I had my 3rd fill yesterday. And already I am second guessing myself. As I sit here and type this I feel fine. However, my instinct tells me that I should be going to get some "fill" removed.

Last night we went to the 100th anniversary celebration of Scouting and of course, there was nothing I could "eat" and I forgot my liquids. So, I tried various things only to slime them all. Right now I am convinced that this episode will pass as long as I give my body time to get over the shock of the fill. However, I'm not sure how that will happen if I am unable to consume ANYTHING!

But, being the stubborn person that I am, I am going to wait before calling the doctor's office.