TGIF!!!

I stared this blog for no reason really. One can tell my passion for it by the frequent posts...not! But what I am slowing coming to realize is that it is one more tool in the tool belt to get through life. There was a point in my life (about 1.5 years ago) that I thought if I could get the weight off, things would be great! Well, now all but about 40 pounds or so are gone and things are not always great. Truthfully, some days they are far from great. But one thing I have learned through these last few years is that regardless of how bad things seem, there is really always something great that happens in a day, if only I am concious enough to notice it.

My daughter battles with bi-polar. She has mostly highs, but the lows are so sad to watch. The cycles are fast and furious most days. I wonder if we will ever land in the middle. She is so incredibly smart and witty. I find that just as frustrated as I get with her moods, I am twice that frustrated at myself when I can't just love her enough to make it go away. I know that isn't possible, but what I wouldn't give. It's not even that I want to change her. I actually have come to admire the person she is right this minute. I just want other people to realize that we are not all the same and to have soem friggin empathy towards others.

I also struggle with depression. I know it isn't a popular thing to say, but I just refuse medication until there is no other option. I really try to force my way out of it. It is never easy. The hardest part is to realize that I am headed down that road. I know there is absolutely no reason not to take medication. I choose not to because of some stupid hangups I have with my mother. She struggles as well and just relies on medication to fix all that ails her. Me, once I really ponder things, I am usually able to get passed it. So, I might even have to say that I have depressive tendencies, but is it really clinical depression if you can deal with it? I don't know.

What I do know is that I am determined that the clutter that strikes my home has invaded my mind...or vise versa. Either way, both my mind and my house have to get cleaned out. I was going to follow the Peter Walsh example and drag everything out to the front yard, but it is supposed to rain again this weekend. Oh well, at least it isn't snow.

Was this supposed to be a weight loss blog? Well, I guess I highjacked my own blog...